Potential

If you haven't had the privilege of going through the Graduate School Application Process (yes, first letters capitalized is necessary. I almost went ALL CAPS, but decided against it) then I can't really describe the emotional ups and downs that come with it. Anyway, that isn't what this post is about. This post isn't about recommendation letters, applications, fees, acceptance letters, rejection letters, personal statements, or tests. This post is about the who, not the what of the process.

When, in 2001, I moved from Texas to California between Junior and Senior years of high school, I lost touch with a lot of friends. This was before absolutely everyone had a cell phone, or Skype, or texting. This was before (GASP!) Facebook. (Side note/tangent: Mark Zuckerberg is exactly my age so I was in college when he was, and when he invented Facebook. I remember when you had to have a .edu email address to join. I didn't remember that until I saw The Social Network. It also makes me feel like a total underachiever. End of tangent.)

So, back to long distance friendships and the stress of Grad School. I feel very privileged to have kept several relationships going between California and Texas in the nearly 10 years since my move. The closest of these friendships is with my friend Melissa. I met Melissa in First Grade, she was nearly seven and I was almost six (so over 20 years ago). We went to school together from First through Seventh Grades, then she changed to a local public school. But since we were still living in the same city, it was no trouble to keep the friendship going strong. I then continued on to a private high school and she went to a public one. Again, nothing changed. But when I moved to California I was really worried about losing touch, and we both cried on my last night in Texas.

I really shouldn't have been worried. Not a month has gone by since I moved that I haven't gotten several letters from her. And then I write back. Sometimes one of us has something tough going on and writes more than the other, but each and every letter is read and reciprocated. Through the years, email and other electronic forms of communication have become more popular, but we prefer good old snail mail. I can honestly say I have probably communicated with her via email fewer than a dozen times in these 10 years. We chat on the phone and text, but the letters are our main form of correspondence. There is something about seeing her handwriting, the same left handed print that I recognize from our school days, that makes it feel like she is right there with her letter. In fact, when I met her girlfriend a couple of years ago she said, "It's nice to finally meet the person behind the letters in the mailbox".  I feel very lucky to have a friend like her. Our letters aren't always particularly insightful or meaningful in subject matter, but their existence is very meaningful. We can write about boyfriends, girlfriends, work, parental stress, and also about what we are watching on TV, the weather, that we are bored at work, and any number of mundane things. I have several boxes of our letters and treasure them. Maybe these letters are our way of rebelling against technology. (I say this while typing on my wireless keyboard connected to my iPad and published on my blog). Or maybe they are our way of being different. It doesn't really matter.

I'm sure you are asking yourself why I am writing this post now. Well, I'm writing it because this necklace, and the meaning card it was attached to, were included in her last letter.

The meaning card said: 

The lotus flower is an ancient symbol of one's true potential.  Its inner beauty is revealed as its petals open, just as one's hidden potential is fulfilled over time.  Wear it as a symbol of the potential that lives within you.

Nowhere in her letter did she mention the necklace. She just slipped it in there, knowing that this Grad School application journey is all about potential, and she wanted me to know that she sees mine. Because that's who she is. She knows me so well, and can read in between the lines of my letters, that she knows what I need.   And a reminder of my potential is what I needed.  I didn't know that yet, but she did.

I guess I'm writing this as a thank you to her, and a reminder to everyone else to not take friendship for granted. Like any relationship, friendship takes work on both ends. If you find a friend willing to put in the effort, then put it the effort on your end and I think you will be pleased. Also, when you do it right, the "work" you put into keeping a friendship going doesn't feel like work at all. So call a friend today. Or write them a letter. Do something you don't normally do. That's what I'm doing here.

(I also keep her around because she is about as crazy as me!)

(Not to make this about me.  But note my weight loss in the above photo and my sidebar pic. Yay!)

Sing It

Last week I was in my car, on my way home from work, feeling particularly positive, and singing out loud to the soundtrack from Glee.

(I sing loud and proud when I am alone in the car now, but keep quiet and just listen when others are with me.  I didn't used to really sing out loud when I was on my own either.  I didn't want to be the crazy looking singing driver.  Plus, my mother has told me since I was little that I am tone deaf, which I am not.  I can't sing, and don't proclaim to be able to, but I can hear just fine.)  

Instantly I remembered something my friend Melissa said to me when I was visiting San Antonio in October.  We were on our way to a restaurant in her car when a really good song came on the radio.  She started singing, but she's a singer with a degree in music, so I usually just listen to her voice in awe.  She wanted me to join in and I told her that I had been taught not to inflict my voice on others.  Then she said it.  The thing that just last week really sunk in, and brought me out of my funk.  She said it nonchalantly.  She just threw it out there.  

She said, "If you want to sing, then sing".  

So simple.  But right now I want to put it on an inspirational poster with a picture of people parachuting, or a kitten hanging upside down.  What she said to me in that moment was incredibly deep.  So deep that I continue to unravel the intricate ways it has affected me.  With that one phrase she said "I love you for who you are, screw it if you can't sing, let's have fun".  She said, "no one can dictate what you WANT to do, and if you WANT it, then DO it".  She said, "Life is short, so live it your own way".  Does she know that she said all of those things?  Probably not.  Does she know that I have been carrying those words around in my head ever since I realized their meaning? No.  Does she know that right now I am looking for my voice?  Looking for who I am in this world and how I want to leave my mark? Maybe.  But she probably doesn't know that when I am feeling pressured to do something I don't want to do, or be something I don't want to be, that her words run through my head.  

I am detaching from my perfectionist image and "good girl" persona and finding out who I AM, rather than who I am EXPECTED TO BE.  I kid you not, if you take these words and really let them soak in,  if you apply them to your own situation at the moment, they will be more inspirational than any fortune cookie wisdom or Mother Teresa quote.  

I'm going to blog more about Mel soon, given that August marks 20 years of friendship for us (and I have some embarrassing pictures from our childhood), but I had to get this out now.  I had to share it with you because I feel like the moment I let what she said sink in, I was the Lion from The Wizard of Oz.  I found my courage.  And not sharing it is not fair to you. You deserve it too.  

Now when I am driving along, windows down, belting out Proud Mary or Don't Stop Believing, I don't look at the other cars to see if their drivers are looking at me like I am crazy.  I don't think about the quality of my voice.  I just smile like the Cheshire cat.  Why?  Because I figured it out.  And there's no going back.  

If you want to sing, then sing.