Adventures In Wonderland

I have had a song from Wicked stuck in my head recently. I put the soundtrack on my iPod after seeing the musical in May and falling in love with the show.

The song is For Good and here are the lyrics:

I'm limited

Just look at me-I'm limited

And just look at you

You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda

So now it's up to you

For both of us-now it's up to you...

I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes the sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good

It well may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from it's mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good.

Sometimes I feel like this song could be the soundtrack of my days at work. I am relatively new to the field of special needs and don't have everything worked out yet. I haven't figured out how to avoid the holes that are being poked in my heart. I haven't figured out how to sit by a mother's side, tears streaming down her face, as she looks at her daughter who will die in the next few years. I can't figure out how to hug and tickle that little girl, looking into her innocent five-year-old eyes, and imagine her gone.

I can't figure out how to reconcile the vastly different experiences that happen in an average day at my job. How do I go from comforting this grieving mother to watching a two-year-old take her first steps? I watch this little girl's mother, happy tears streaming down her face, her smile beaming with pride, and I beam with her.

I recently had a falling out with a friend over her (and her husband's) stance on special needs kids. They could not see the value that these people bring to the world, a value I see every day.

I have a whole new appreciation for my life. Not only because I feel grateful for the skills I usually take for granted, but mostly because I get to know these little souls. I get the privilege of seeing them grow and change. I get to see first steps and hear first words. And I realize that for every hole poked in my heart by the sad reality of life, a band-aid is waiting to cover it. Band-aids in the form of hugs and kisses, laughs and high fives. These are the things that make life worth living. And I have been changed for good.