Don't Call The Authorities, She's Just A Klutz

I have a problem. Well, it is actually a problem compounded by a condition. The problem is that I walk into things, smack into things, and bump into things with astounding frequency. The compounding problem is that I bruise like a peach.

Often I can be heard in another room saying one solemn "ow" in a bored voice. I can't even muster the emotion to exclaim "OW!" in pain. I walk into door jams, cabinetry, tables and chairs. I ask "was that always there?" far too often.

I did Gymnastics for many years as a child and was not completely uncoordinated. This makes me wonder if my "disability" is developing as I age. Either that or all of the vault and uneven bar related injuries have ruined my body forever. However I do have one of my meets on video when I was about seven and I can be seen smacking head on into a wall. That can't have been healthy. There was also the time I fell off the high beam and caught myself with my crotch, who knows what that did.

My legs are currently sporting about ten bruises between them. One on my right shin has a raised bump like a golf ball. Not too attractive. I don't usually feel pain where the bruises are. Sometimes this means that I don't know I have a bruise, you know, if it is somewhere I can't easily see. This leads to horrified faces when I decide to pull on a short sleeve t-shirt and discover a pancake sized bruise wrapped around my upper arm. People ask "WHAT HAPPENED?" with the same tone and facial expression they use when hearing about a terrible pileup on I 5. Embarrassed, I say simply, "I have no clue".

Where do I get this proclivity for walking into sturdy objects? My grandmother. She just came for a visit and explained that I come by my clumsiness naturally. Thanks a lot Grandma. Now excuse me, there is a UPS box that needs to be tripped over.