Sing It

Last week I was in my car, on my way home from work, feeling particularly positive, and singing out loud to the soundtrack from Glee.

(I sing loud and proud when I am alone in the car now, but keep quiet and just listen when others are with me.  I didn't used to really sing out loud when I was on my own either.  I didn't want to be the crazy looking singing driver.  Plus, my mother has told me since I was little that I am tone deaf, which I am not.  I can't sing, and don't proclaim to be able to, but I can hear just fine.)  

Instantly I remembered something my friend Melissa said to me when I was visiting San Antonio in October.  We were on our way to a restaurant in her car when a really good song came on the radio.  She started singing, but she's a singer with a degree in music, so I usually just listen to her voice in awe.  She wanted me to join in and I told her that I had been taught not to inflict my voice on others.  Then she said it.  The thing that just last week really sunk in, and brought me out of my funk.  She said it nonchalantly.  She just threw it out there.  

She said, "If you want to sing, then sing".  

So simple.  But right now I want to put it on an inspirational poster with a picture of people parachuting, or a kitten hanging upside down.  What she said to me in that moment was incredibly deep.  So deep that I continue to unravel the intricate ways it has affected me.  With that one phrase she said "I love you for who you are, screw it if you can't sing, let's have fun".  She said, "no one can dictate what you WANT to do, and if you WANT it, then DO it".  She said, "Life is short, so live it your own way".  Does she know that she said all of those things?  Probably not.  Does she know that I have been carrying those words around in my head ever since I realized their meaning? No.  Does she know that right now I am looking for my voice?  Looking for who I am in this world and how I want to leave my mark? Maybe.  But she probably doesn't know that when I am feeling pressured to do something I don't want to do, or be something I don't want to be, that her words run through my head.  

I am detaching from my perfectionist image and "good girl" persona and finding out who I AM, rather than who I am EXPECTED TO BE.  I kid you not, if you take these words and really let them soak in,  if you apply them to your own situation at the moment, they will be more inspirational than any fortune cookie wisdom or Mother Teresa quote.  

I'm going to blog more about Mel soon, given that August marks 20 years of friendship for us (and I have some embarrassing pictures from our childhood), but I had to get this out now.  I had to share it with you because I feel like the moment I let what she said sink in, I was the Lion from The Wizard of Oz.  I found my courage.  And not sharing it is not fair to you. You deserve it too.  

Now when I am driving along, windows down, belting out Proud Mary or Don't Stop Believing, I don't look at the other cars to see if their drivers are looking at me like I am crazy.  I don't think about the quality of my voice.  I just smile like the Cheshire cat.  Why?  Because I figured it out.  And there's no going back.  

If you want to sing, then sing.  

A Weekend Of Cuteness

I hung with Haybaby on Saturday and couldn't resist a photo shoot.  And yes, I am responsible for the farmer-chic overalls and the faux hawk. 

More Conversations With My Father

Me, hot gluing a hair bow...

Me:  "I have a rocky relationship with hot glue guns."

Dad:  "..."

Me:  "You know, the silver dollar sized scar on my calf..."

Dad: "..."

Me:  "Come to think of it, that was more of a parenting problem."

Dad:  "It always is, isn't it?"

Me:  "I mean, I was like 8, alone with a hot glue gun and no one told me that if I pushed the glue stick that
         was sticking out the back, that glue would come streaming out the front."

Dad:  "Yeah, that was before we knew you would need 'special' supervision."

Me:  "It was glitter glue."

Dad:  "Alrighty then".

Marshmallow In Disguise

I recently took care of our next door only neighbor's dog.  I love this dog.  She reminds me of my own Rottweiler, Bismark, who passed away a few years ago.  She is so funny.  I imagine she looks pretty intimidating to delivery people, but if they knew what a mush she was they would be more afraid of a kitten.  

Conversations With My Father

Me: "Dad, what happened in New Orleans in 1812?"

Dad: "A battle where they beat the British. But the day they celebrate the victory is actually 4 months

after the battle"

Me: "Okay...but that's what happened in 1812?"

Dad: "Four months before they celebrate. Ridiculous."

Me: "Don't you want to know why I'm asking?"

Dad: "Why?"

Me: "Because on the news just now they stopped a random guy on the streets of New Orleans to talk

about the oil spill and BP's 'little people' comment and the guy said 'we beat them in 1812 and we

will beat them again'. You know, because BP is a British company."

Dad: "mm hmm..."

Me: "I mean, they didn't get the toothless guy no one can understand. They stopped this guy and, I

mean, dude had a date!"

Dad: "It's a big deal there."

Me: "I'm just saying, I grew up in San Antonio and couldn't tell you the date of the battle of the Alamo."

Dad: "1836."

Me: "Whatever. I just mean... Dude had a date!"

Dad: "Four months off."

Me: "Never mind."

I'll Get Under Your Tush Cheeks

Okay, so I got my first spray tan about 3 weeks ago.  After weeks of being annoyed that I was so white in the places that people could now see thanks to my summer wardrobe, I chose a spray tan.  I tried lotions but was getting pretty frustrated with them.  Tanning naturally in the sun or unnaturally in tanning beds is not an option for me.  One, because I burn more than tan.  Two, because I am so fair and not willing to risk skin cancer to look good.  And three, because if you listen to the nightly news, tanning beds are the work of the devil and if you are under 30 and use them you won't live long enough to regret the skin spots.

I am very pleased with the results of the spray tan and will be getting another one soon.  I MIGHT share some pictures of it.  Depending on if I'm having a good self esteem day and all.  

A Case Of The Yicks

I have been sick with some sort of stomach bug for the last few days.  It's a nasty bug - fever, throwing up, body aches, etc.  You know, the kind of bug that made me lose 7 pounds in 7 days.  Yeah, no fun.

While I am recovering, I am going to share some lovelier images with you.  My mother's gardens are amazing right now.  Particularly her roses.  I thought I would share some pictures of them along with a picture of the roses floating in her new garden fountain.  I don't so much garden.  The whole dirt thing is kinda yicky.  Sometimes I will get into it, but she is the true green thumb in the family.