Congratulations

From This:

To This:

First there was her.

Then there was them.

Now there's a family.

Megarazzi

Number of photos I have taken in the last year: 5,768

That's an average of 480 a month...

119 a week...

15 a day.

And about 4,000 of those are of the dog.  

Kidding.

Only about 3,500.

A Latte With Foam, Made At Home

Happiness Is...

A two year old bringing you flowers "jus decuz".  

And that?  That's why I do what I do.  

I love my job.

Excited About Granola

Alternatively titled, "My Father Only Wants To Have A Conversation When I'm Filming".

Phun With Photoshop

I was just playing around with some ways to mess with the backgrounds of my pictures in Photoshop and I thought I would share.

A Note From The Blogger

Hello Readers!  I wanted to let you know that IF YOU DON'T COMMENT I DON'T KNOW WHO IS OUT THERE.  I also don't know what you like and don't like.  Do you like photos and less talk, or more of my lovely opinions and photos together?  Tell me what you want!

AND COMMENT.  Or the dog will have to balance something awful on his head.  Like a watermelon.  

Thankyouverymuch.

His Name Was Arrow, He Was A Showgirl

Arrow, modeling my newest Etsy purchase. 

Dear Rednecks,

Welcome to the Bay Area!  I understand there is a hick convention Nascar race at Infineon/Sears Point this weekend.  This popular raceway happens to be on my commute home.  I also understand that many of you have arrived in your redneck-mobiles Recreational Vehicles.  I see that you have brought your toothless parents and cross eyed children families.  But please be advised that this raceway lies along a 2 lane road with a 55 mph speed limit.  Please don't allow your children to cross the road unattended or I will have to run them over slow to a stop.  Also, know that when you fly flags above your little campers with the number of your favorite racer you look stupid stand out. 

Thank you for coming to the Bay Area and please don't molest the farm animals enjoy yourself.

What's Black And White And Pathetic All Over?

Yep, Callie.

An Organic Lollypop

Sunny Side Up

Mellow Yellow

Have you ever put so much mustard on a sandwich that it became the main ingredient?

You know, as in a mustard and ham sandwich.  

Yeah, me neither.  

Peeling Bark

Blackberry Watch '09 - Taste The Sweetness

Car On Vacation

Today, Greta The Jetta went to the dealership to have a spa day.  Turns out she will be spending the night and coming home tomorrow evening.  She is going to be well rested.  I hope she doesn't miss me tonight.

In the meantime, please welcome Rowdy, the Audi A4 to the blog world.  He was born in 2009 and is steel blue. He is smokin' hot and has many bells and whistles.  Rowdy is spoiling me, but he will never replace Greta.  (At least not until after Grad school).

Raising Disability Awareness

Please, for love love of all that is holy, check out Fail.

Dressed Like A Catholic Bishop

Unborn Wine - Not Long Now

Because When I Told Him It Was Time To Balance Something On His Head His PTSD Flared Up

Blinded By The Light

Do You Have SUIT?

Please, go here to find the funniest thing you will ever hear. 

Then sit yo arbitrarily angry ass down and have a blessed day.

Things That Make You Say Hmmm....

I couldn't resist passing this on to y'all.

Taken from actual hospital charts:

1.  The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3.  Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4.  Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

5.  She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6.  Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7.  On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

8.  The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to be depressed.

9.  The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10.  Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

11.  Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

12.  Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13.  She is numb from her toes down.

14.  While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15.  The skin was moist and dry.

16.  Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 

17.  Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18.  Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid.

19.  She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

20.  I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21.  Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22.  Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23.  The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24.  Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

25.  The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

26.  Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

27.  Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.  

Okay, now stop laughing, go change your underpants and get on with your day.

Well Manicured

Because James Lipton Is Hot

I have been thinking about the Bernard Pivot questions at the end of each Inside the Actor's Studio.

Here's mine, because I know you were dying to know.

What's your favorite word?  

Schmata.  (Look it up in your Yiddish dictionary)

What's your least favorite word?

Pus.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?

Zero Pressure.

What turns you off creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?

Unreasonable Expectations.

What sound or noise do you love?

The many versions of how kids say my name.

What sound or noise do you hate?

The gagging sound right before someone throws up.

What's your favorite curse word?

Fuck. (But Asshat is really good too).

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Surgeon.

What profession would you not like to do?

Hospitality.

If heaven exists what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

Sorry, I don't believe in God.  But if we are talking just a nice place with a benevolent overlord - "Hi if your looking for Dick Cheney, take the down escalator".

I would add:

What scent or smell do you love?

Airports/Airplanes

What scent or smell do you hate?

Wet dog.

________________________

Ooohh! I just found the original questionnaire from Proust.  Let's make this even more fun!

What do you appreciate most about your friends?

That they can keep a secret.

What are your favorite color and flower?

Pink and Calla Lilies 

Who are your favorite prose authors?

Right now: Dan Brown, J.K. Rowling and Janet Evanovich.

Who are your favorite poets?

Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss.  They rhyme so it counts damnit.

Who are your favorite painters?

Mondrian, DaVinci, Picasso, Monet.

Who are your heroes in real life?

Those who fight against animal cruelty.

Who are your heroes in fiction?

Horton and The Lorax.

How would you like to die?

Somewhere really unexpected like just fall over mid-conversation with a grandchild and really mess them up.

What is your motto?

Who owns this problem? (I ask this when I feel like I am making trouble for myself).

What are your favorite qualities in a man?

Money.  Joking people, joking.  Really it's that protective thing guys do that makes them seem like they can handle anything.