Commute

 People ask if my commute is a pain in the ass. 

 Not when I get to see this on the way.

Prayer to the TiVo gods*

Dear TiVo gods*

Thank you for everything you do.

Your incredible power to pause live TV is unrivaled.

You let me fast forward through commercials. 

I cannot imagine life without you.

But if you keep randomly deleting my shows I'm going to have to pound on you a little bit.

In the name of In Treatment, Medium, and Desperate Housewives

Amen

*As this blog is written by a godless California girl, you can pray to whichever TV god you want (DVR, iTV, etc).

A Weekend Full Of Things I Love

It all started with this.  Yes, my friends, that IS chocolate covered bacon.  I can die happy now.

My "Wizard of Oz" flip-flops and my BlackBerry.

Wine....

And Conversation.

Family...

 And Furless Patches.

Photo Phriday

Thanks for That Thursdays.

He's feeling better.

Thanks for that.

He's back home from Afghanistan.

Thanks for that.

Earth Day

A few of the many things I love here on my home planet.
Happy Earth Day.

Music to My Ears

Children's toys with sounds that repeat over, and over, and over and over are the work of the devil.  

Cannot get music out of head.  Must take batteries out.  

Photoshop

Why Photoshop is my friend.

before...

after....

Your Weekly Word

Addiction: ad • dic • tion. (ə - ‘dik - shən) noun – Compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (heroin, nicotine, alcohol, Smarties) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal.

Photo Phriday...

What happens when...

What happens when there are toys at your office and some people have too much time on their hands?

I'm glad you asked.  The result is:

Some kind of safari scene, complete with one animal impaled on the horn of another. 

Looks like someone's been watching too much Animal Planet.

Bay Area Driving Hints and Tips

You see that long plastic thingy sticking out of the left side of your steering wheel? You know, the one that when you hit it accidentally makes a cool clicking sound? Yeah, use that when you are making a turn you schmuck!

Sure you're hot and driving a BMW but you are also a man, which means you are incapable of merging.  When you don't merge, and I get sandwiched between two UPS trucks, I will not be happy.  It's the Bay Area! We love to merge! Get used to it.  I don't want to sit behind a big brown truck emblazoned with "What can brown do for you?" in huge yellow lettering.  It doesn't make for a fun commute.

If the speed limit is 55, don't go 30.  I'm going to go 60 and so should you.

If there is something that you have deemed absolutely necessary to take a picture of, but accidentally pass it by, then loop around when you can.  DO NOT stop abruptly and pull a right turn onto the shoulder to take a picture of a bridge, cow, sheep, vine, boat, etc.

Thank you.

Happiness Is...

Bud break in the vineyards...

Your 2-year-old's artwork.

Perfectly organized paperclips at work...

And waffles shaped like Texas for dinner.

Can't be good....

The color of my left tonsil

The color of my right tonsil

Thinking...

The Duggar family is like a bad car wreck...you can't help but watch even though it is gruesome.  

One of the problems of working with 2 year olds (literally) is that your business cards are coated in a fine layer of glitter.  

Glitter - by the way - should be outlawed.  There is absolutely no way to get rid of all of it.  It comes to the surface in strange ways. I swear I have glitter still imbedded in my pores from the late '80s. 

Glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts.

You can count on my happiness when you have your 2 year old make me a thank you card for her birthday present.  Thank you cards are the epitome of manners.  You rock.

If you bring you schnauzer to the office I will get nothing done.

If you name your twin girls Heaven and Nevaeh I will curse you.

If you put a kiddie gym with mats in the back of my office I will find a padded horizontal surface to covet.  I will refrain from lying down, but it will eat at me all day.

If I watch another episode of In Treatment I will go searching for a therapist that looks like Gabriel Byrne.

Hmmm...maybe I should see a therapist after all...

My Day

Smell of a baby's head all day.  

Drive the Range Rover.  

Walk through the vineyards.

Eat Sprinkles Cupcakes.

Hang out at the park.

Eat great food.

Watch Arrested Development. 

Meet wonderful people.

Kiss baby cheeks.

Take pictures.

Trip to the library.

Get paid for all of it!!!!

Wordless Friday

Going Postal

What goes through my mind in an average day that I can now subject you to...

Care-Takers are the same as Care-Givers.  

How does that work? 

Is it like flammable and inflammable?

My BlackBerry does not recognize "texting" as a viable word in its texting spell-checker.  

If you use the word "covenant" in a conversation with me I immediately flash to an image of Charles Manson.  Go ahead and carve a swastika in your forehead because you are officially disturbed.  

I have a college degree and still need a poster board sized chart to keep everything straight on LOST.

In my sickly state today I did my "6 degrees of Kevin Bacon".  I only needed 4.

The package I was expecting today was delivered, just not to me.  

According to the UPS tracking website it was signed for by "Dalene" at 

"the Dock" in 

"Angwin, Ca"

Angwin has docks? 

And the UPS Conspiracy lives on.

And a picture to brighten your day ('cause I'm that kind of girl)...

Thanks for That Thursdays

Thanks for laughing at me when I called to check the time of my appointment with you next week. It really helped me understand that you are a dick.  Later Doc.

Things I absolutely did NOT do today

I did not pause an episode of "The Doctors" to see if the cute doctor in scrubs was wearing a wedding ring.  Nope.  (He wasn't).

I did not take my temperature with a meat thermometer because I couldn't find a proper one.

I did not call my doctor because I have a 99.6 degree fever.  Me? No.  

I most certainly didn't consider watching Maury because I've been home sick for nearly a week and there's nothing good on TV.

My lunch did not consist of 4 rice cakes.  

When I took a shower today I most certainly did not leave the bathroom door open a little in case the dog was scared and needed me.  

I did not start a blog because I need to rant anonymously.  Nope.  I don't have that kind of time.